Spring has sprung—though here in Michigan this season has been with us for a while contrary to what the calendar may tell us. When the seasons appear out of whack we scramble for meaning. We need a reason. Life is chaotic enough (at least if you believe what our media/culture would tell us)—we need a certain amount of (perceived) control over our existence. So this non-winter/early spring thing throws people for a loop. Is it possible to simply enjoy the sun and flowers??

I hail from the Golden State—where sun and flowers are a way of life. True Californians can recognize the subtle changes in seasons (though the rest of the country may chuckle at this concept). Recognizing the nuances and subtleties in life has been up my alley for quite some time. It’s what I do…as it’s the nature of a medium and empath. I read energy...why would the environment be any different?

As I plan for a trip back to my home state, I naturally wonder what my experience will be. Are the people the same? What about familiar landmarks? It’s another opportunity to take inventory. Yes, my personal journey is about understanding life representation…and a trip home will not be wasted. And yes, while I am in the midst of my spiritual investigation I will be enjoying my family, friends and the views of the ocean I love.

I have an accent. It's true. I don't like to admit this. My roommate's husband informed me that he heard it. "It's not all the time, but I can definitely hear it in conversation," he said. Grrrr. Why don't I like my accent? Having an accent from Southern California implies something. I'll leave it to you to connect the dots as to what it means.

I remember sitting in my college class, "Announcing and Diction." If you were a Communications major, this was a requirement. The goal was to have a Chicago accent since that is the median for dialects (at least it was at the time!). I thought I was close to achieving this goal. Almost there. A few years later my cousin, who is a professional coach, helped inspire me to further improve my speaking in order to become even more professional. It was a matter of fine tuning.

I was excited to find out that there is an actual term for my accent (that I didn't think I had). It's called "vocal fry." A New York Times article explains what it is and how young women are shaping language in our culture. Kinda, like, cool.

I figure that how we speak and listen to each other linguistically also applies to our spirituality. We all have a "spiritual accent" whether we care to admit it or not. It's our own "bent" on how we understand and embody God/Universe/Spirit. I enjoy helping people discover their Divine connection with their God. It's who I am and as I tell people--I am "built" for this vocation.  I love helping people heal and uncover the mystery of their life. It's exciting.

However, I hesitate when I mention Jesus or that I am a Christian minister. I sometimes feel like Moses with a speech impediment. This is something for me to heal--for sure. It goes back to "vocal fry." I have my own unique way of using the English language. I have fun (to me, that is the point). The same applies for my vocation. There sure are connotations of being a SoCal girl, Christian minister, Medicine Woman and Soul Coach; however, that's not my issue. My calling to help people is bigger than that. How I express my spirituality is still unfolding...and yet the point is that I have spirituality to express.

Let's start a conversation...

“Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of them all?” Why, it’s ME! Or wait, you??? Huh??

 Why am I sharing such intimate details about the issues in my face? My hope is that something will resonate with the people reading this blog. The point is not for me to be bragadocious about who I am and what I do, but rather to share how common it is to have negative emotions hit the surface or have people bother me (or you!). The point is to find where you fit into the story. You are the one who can make changes in your life. Yes, it is all about you—for the purpose of healing and growing.

 I remember being in class (Empowerment Through Enlightenment) and sharing the story of how a particular person annoyed the crap out of me and I saw this person as a major obstacle for what I wanted to achieve. It was their fault, dammit! Why couldn’t my teacher see this as clear as I could? Grrrr. I started listing the most annoying characteristics of this person and then it felt like a ton of bricks was dumped on my little head. Oh crap. Those same characteristics are what people have said annoyed them about me. What?!! You mean to tell me that this person is a reflection of me? Oh boy. How much life force energy was I losing to support the idea that this person was a complete and utter bonehead? A lot. When I say a lot…words cannot describe how much. What the heck? You mean I can’t sit there and blame this person for my misery? Well, I could…and I did. Who was the real loser in this situation? My soul. It was aching to heal so that I could not only move forward and succeed in life but also to have the freedom to breathe.

 I can thank this person’s soul for showing up and participating in the lesson I needed most: stop being a victim. I took charge and healed each item on the list. How did I heal? One of the main ways I heal is to use Emotion Freedom Technique. You can look up free information on www.EFTUniverse.com. No, I don’t get any kickbacks—other than when you begin to heal…the planet shines brighter. That makes sense since we are all mirrors of each other. 

I speak in different languages. I am coming to terms with this. Heck, I’ve got a Communications degree so in some respect it only seems natural to have such a wide variety of communication techniques. For many years it was frustrating to have the people around me unable to understand my communication—even when my friends and I developed our own way of speaking. Yes, I wanted to speak my mind, be honest and talk about my feelings. This became known as “too sensitive” and rather than put up with that slam (yes, a slam) I covered this up in order to fit in. It is much easier and involves less effort to be cutting and snarky. It may not be healthy alignment, but at least I had friends. The need to be accepted overrode any desire to remain my authentic, intuitive, loving self.  Am I the only one who’s done this? No. Will I be the last person on the planet to do this? No. It’s called getting real. How much life-force energy are we spending in order to keep our unhealthy programs running? Good
question.

In my personal journey I have been unpacking the idea of social awkwardness and the need to fit in. You see, it’s not just different language I developed in order to fit in. Yes, I said it—to fit in. There it is again: the need for acceptance. In the search for my true, authentic nature I have been, as I said, unpacking my habits and usage of language that keeps me from creating loving and holistic bonds with people. I am blessed to have a group of like-minded individuals (this is my “shout out” to my ascended minions!) that help keep me in check when I am being less than loving. That is the goal, right? If I am interested in creating my corner of “heaven on earth” then I’d better be honest and accountable.

At the same time, I am not interested in giving up my sense of humor...I'm really a funny person (just ask anyone!). However, I do need to shed the aspects of it that cut and bite. This is difficult to do at times because of how ingrained this habit is. Part of me feels like I am losing my best friend because it has served me for so long. Yes, this habit “served”me—as it got me in doors and into situations/events that may have been closed to the real me. This has always been my fear—that I really won’t be accepted. Guess what? If I accept the authentic (aka “sensitive”) part of me, won’t confidence be a by-product of it? Most likely. It’s not that I’m not confident or able to function in social situations now, but it’s about taking things to the next level. It’s about taking what is great and improving upon those gifts and talents. Time to heal.

We are in the season of Lent. It is traditionally a season for facing our mortality and to appreciate the sacrifice that Christ made for us. There are as many ways to honor this season as there are who follow Christianity. The tradition is to either give something up and/or take something on to foster spiritual growth. By the time Easter arrives...one has the opportunity to really do some character building.
 
I have a hard time following rules...it's been part of my nature for years now (my mom may tell you in utero!). I don't do what is forced upon me by rules, regulations or antiquated information. And yet, I am a minister. Cue internal conflict music montage (dun, dun, dun...) Rather than following the way of others I like to strike out on my own. Those who know me will say, "Duh. This is one of your most attractive qualities!" Right? Right. And then I think about the centuries that traditions such as Lent has existed...and then I come back to 2012. How the heck is some old tradition supposed to hold weight in what is becoming a more and more secular society (contrary to the "Christian Nation" currently advertised among the media).
 
I am someone who loves punk rock, art, alternative healing, dancing and road trips...to round out a few of my interests. So when I was invited to impose ashes at the Gay Christian student group (Michigan State) last week...it was right up my alley. After the chair of the group and I figured out a plan for the event, I went to burn the palms from last year to prepare for the liturgy. As the palms were burning I reflected on the events from the past year, my calling to ministry and healing arts, and how different my life path is. I love the transmuting effect of fire--just ask me about Burning Man! There is real alchemy involved.

My calling led me to this student group and I love advocating on their behalf. In fact, if pushed...you will be contending with "Mama Bear" energy! After collecting the ashes I connected with the Spirit that's guided me thus far. We had a great discussion on the definition of sin, what the season of Lent means for each person and then we went into the liturgy of the ashes. We took turns imposing ashes on the person next to us and closed with a Psalm. What was the most meaningful to me is that this is a group of beautiful people often closed out of many Christian circles. To share a ritual in this context is what keeps me walking in the light of God defining and redefining the meaning of ministry in our current culture. 

I handed out a picture of a Phoenix to each person in the group before leaving. The Phoenix is one of my personal images of what it means to be a spiritual person emerging from my human nature. During the liturgy of Ash Wednesday we are reminded that we come from ashes and to ashes we will return (Genesis 3:19). This passage from Scripture speaks to the life cycle of the Phoenix. We pass through this cycle each year when journeying through the season of Lent. Our committment to giving something up and/or taking something on for the process of spiritual growth is akin to the death and resurrection we face each Easter.

I am a Southern California (So.Cal.) girl at heart. Yes, i said it--it's true. I recently did a healing that unveiled this fact. I learned that I had to hide this part of me in order to be accepted in different circles. I would share in the stereo-types and make fun of myself to please others. There are several jokes and one of the lies I spread is that there aren't spiritual people in L.A. This really hit home because it was a huge way for me to keep myself from wanting to live in Southern California...though I really love the place. I got tired of hearing all the negative crap about how Californians "really" are--ESPECIALLY those from L.A. Saying that I'm from the San Francisco area (as that is where I attended graduate school) is more acceptable--even within the state of California. However, to the rest of the country, anyone from California is a whack-a-doodle (technical term).

I had to suppress, hide and deny that L.A. rocks and it's a core piece of who I am. This issue came up to heal during a class on creating my future when we were looking at money beliefs that are in the way of our success. Not wanting a part of L.A. stands in the way of wanting fame or success on any level. I had to pretend that I didn't want this (identifying as a So.Cal. woman) so that it wouldn't be taken away. I grew up believing that if I said I wanted something it would somehow vanish.

Guess what I discovered in the process of this self-discovery/healing: the people who head to L.A. want to live their dream and they know the people who will help them are centered in L.A. This is not a bad thing, but group consciousness would have us believe something else. I am done buying into this B.S. (belief system!). It is limited, out-dated and doesn't serve spiritual evolution.

I am ready to be the rock star that I am meant to be--and even, CALLED to be. Stars represent heavenly knowledge, especially in times of darkness. I am ready to rock this knowledge in order to spread light to those who need it. I have been there and done that through times of darkness and now it's time for me to shine in order for others to shine.

I partipate as a clergy advisor for a student group at Michigan State University: Gay Christian Fellowship, as I am an ally to the LGBT community. I can't tell you where the passion comes from to be such a strong supporter of this movement; however, I do know that supporting human rights moves me on all levels of my being. It makes sense and continues to inspire me.

The discussion last night centered on vulnerability and risk-taking focusing on the intersection of Christianity and sexual orientation. Members of the group find support in the LGBT community; however, there is a disconnect for several of them when explaining to their LGBT friends/family that they are Christian. We discussed the risk in making ourselves vulnerable in ways such as this. It was a powerful and heart-centered discussion.

I usually take time each day to address what stands in the way of thriving or succeeding. However, after such a powerful discussion I felt a deeper motivation to reflect on what it means to live authentically. There are parts of who I am that are still a little scary to share, but I take a page from my friends in this group. I think of what it means to bravely live "out loud." Ultimately, it is about embodying the core essence or aspects of who we are: the intersection between faith and fear.

For those of you who don't know, I am a  minister and spiritual leader of a community in Lansing, Michigan. This past Sunday we studied the Beatitudes (Matthew 5) in the Bible. I split up each of the "blessings" and added an interpretation from our theology. Each person got a personal message with the invitation to see how it could apply to their life and spiritual growth process. I decided to take a turn and pick a message. I got the message, "Blessed are those who are pure in heart (Matthew 5:8)." I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. It fit so perfect into my journey and I could almost see the angels around me smiling and chuckling. Hello---my business is "Get to the HEART of it!" after all, it is heart health awareness month and I am also healing old wounds found in my heart.

The messages I shared were written by Rev. Michael Gladdish. He says, "We know the heart corresponds to the will or love, but what is purity of heart? Where does love get its quality?  The answer is that love gets its quality from truth. To purify something is to wash or cleanse it, or in some cases to refine it so that it does not contain extraneous or contaminating elements. To have a pure heart, therefore, is to be sincere, to love without pretense or hypocrisy, and especially to love what is true, or to put it another way, to let the truth guide us in love."  That is the goal.

I also thought the message was timely for me since it arrived a couple days before Valentine's Day. I typically don't go over board on the holiday--even when being married. However, I am redefining everything in my life and that requires a "spiritual overhaul" and holidays are not exempt from this process. As I open myself up to this process, the Universe is providing amazing connections and healing opportunities. A great connection was made today when helping my roommate celebrate her husband's birthday. This in itself was a redefining moment for February 14th. Another moment was when her husband shared his interest in the quotes found on his daily calendar. He researches the people he doesn't know and on his birthday his calendar had a  from Emanuel Swedenborg, "Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want and do." This inner desire comes from the heart...and today my heart smiled. May you find new and creative ways to share your heart, love and purpose in this world. Heaven is depending on it!!